It was a star studded Hollywood event on Saturday, April 14, as celebrities from across the United States gathered at the unique locale city of Frederick, Oklahoma in the Historic Ramona Theatre for the union of Pamela Handerson (Fabian Reyes) to Huge Ego Hefner (Aaron Henson).
Before the evening proceeded, special security seated the audience. Since Dawg the Bounty Hunter (Rick Guill) and Mrs. Dawg also known as Beth (Stephen Grice) were close, close, close friends of the bride, they provided security for free. But it’s a good thing because the Con Man (Joel Read) slipped right through their fingers, making more money at the wedding than Pamela Handerson (Fabian Reyes) spent on ‘enhancements’ for Huge Ego Hefner. Introducing the wedding party was celebrity commentator Joan Ribbers (Vinson Orr), whose hair is now like her plastic surgery – out of control.
The groomsmen were the Three Jimmys – Jimmy Sharpski (Jimmy Smart), Jimmy Subwayski (Jim Ard) and Jimmy Lawnski (Jimmy Espinosa) - longtime celebrity bachelor pals of Huge Ego himself. Huge Ego and the groomsmen were easy to distinguish because they all dressed in casual pajama dayware. The bridesmaids each brought a unique style and attitude to the wedding. Cher Probono (Ryan Ade) had the attending audience captivated as she ‘performed’ for free. Maybe that’s why she is a Probono. Chef Julia Chivez (Rob Meador) looked as if she was steamrolled out of the kitchen and in to the wedding. It is no wonder that Snooki Wooki (Ethan Treadwell) is with child, considering that she had difficulty keeping her clothes on throughout the entire ceremony. The moon was a little brighter on this special night. But the rest of the bridesmaids including Madonna Wanna (Joe Wood), Britannica Spears (Michael Carter), Dolly Pairton (Eddie Whitworth), Paris Milton (Ben Crawford), Jennifer Mopez (Aaron Coleman), Hot Pink (Clay Johnson), Liza Minnelopi (Kelvin Schoonover), Christina Aggorilla (Brett Riggins) and Paula Abdually (Randy Biggs) were eloquent. However, there was some controversy on this evening due to several objections. Mr. T (Lance Whitson) said in protest “I pity da fool who marries my daughter,” and as things started to get heated the officiating minister, Captain Kirk (Brad Benson) began to look more and more as if he were wishing Scotty would beam him up. Amidst the ceremony, Huge Ego fell to the floor and possibly broke vital organs or bones that would make the union blessed. But it was Liberace (Bobby Jackson) playing at the piano and the Flower Girl (Jay McPherson) who kept the guests even tempered with music and petal-laden paths wherever celebrities journeyed.
But as many Hollywood weddings end as quickly as they begin, the nuptials were brought to a screeching halt when it was discovered that Huge Ego (Aaron Henson) thought pretty highly of himself, still married to the Cleaning Lady (Jay Oxford). Since the wedding wasn’t in Utah, the nuptials were quickly put on the shelf for another day as Huge Ego Hefner continues his search for the perfect, understanding wife.
The 2012 Womanless Wedding is sponsored by the Frederick Arts & Humanities Council. All funds raised at the parody event will be used to benefit the art council’s local projects.